I Have Been Living With HIV Since I Was 17
April 25, 2013 by Featured Guest Writer @justcurious.com
I am a silent blogger.
This topic “Why I Test” touched me as I have been living with HIV since I was 17, I’m turning 30 today.
You know the reality as I have experienced since I knew my status is that men do not want to test, let alone use a condom since they tend to diagnose you by just looking. . . ignorant yes but it still happens in 2013.
Most people have in their subconscious mind a face for HIV and when as a woman you are not it, they tend to think they are safe . I have been told ” Yho awusemhle ndingakutowna ndifuna ukumithisa” by people who don’t even know me.
There have been instances where I’ve disclosed and then men think I’m trying to play hard to get or rejecting them so the sad reality is that a lot of men out there think HIV is not for them.
For women it even worse because as much as we can talk about it in the public arena and claim “no glove, no love” amadoda still dominate most relationships. I have lost friends to HIV who claimed to have been using a condom as I am open to those close to me about my status since I do not wish them to be in my shoes, but sadly behind closed doors no one knows what really happens. Every year I have two or more people who will confess their newly found relationship with HIV so in my view, no amount of awareness campaigns can ever save them. It’s worse now kuba you find married men openly having affairs willy nilly and it has somehow become acceptable. Most wives bathi as long as ndingayazi but I hate to tell them that husbands are worse as they don’t use a condom in their homes so are not comfortable using it even outside .
Bafazi I want to warn you uba it’s better to be alone and broke and happy than to be married, moneyed and sick kuba some women will stay noba indoda iyajola for the comfort.
A lot of us women don’t have standards because we don’t want to be alone but please consider you kids when taking into account the extra mural activities of your men and please make the right choices.
Xana indoda icheata rather use a condom or leave the relationship because you will end up being a statistic and leave your kids behind.
I have managed to live with HIV for 13 years because I made sure that I don’t want to pass it on to others and I would rather change amadoda or be lonely than to nyamezela ububhanxa.
I have a good job, 1 child (she’s 5 and negative) and only started taking meds last year so to others living with HIV its doable.
Has it been easy?. . . Its been difficult because people are cruel but you learn to live with the rejection and get on with your life because awuzalwanga nendoda or necherry so being alone is acceptable and HIV is not you. Pity that there are people who see HIV before they acknowledge you as a person but the world is like that.
Do I hope to find love? Someday and if its meant to happen it will feel right and not make me feel less of a person and the love I hope to find will not hurt
Do I have plans for the future? Yes I will retire and travel the world, see my grandkids and watch the sunrise from my farm one day.
Do I have hope and faith? Praying and hope keeps me going because without then I may as well just drink poison and die.
So to those who are still negative I would suggest that you assume even your husbands as positive as there is no way you can trust another person when it comes to your life and ngekhe uyazi uba umntu ucinga ntoni.How did I get infected? I was young and stupid but I don’t blame anyone as the end of the day you are responsible for yourself so this is my reality.
The last 13 years have been an eye opener and it has made me realise how people are and made me appreciate life each day and thank God that I am even able to send this email as there is no greater miracle that I can ever wish for and whatever I have more than what I have been blessed with is a bonus.
Yes HIV is real so guys look after yourselves and trust no one.
By Silent Blogger
story from; www.justcurious.com
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